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This one's tricky. He's waiting for a lover, yet he describes her as "not giving dreams anymore", why? Is it meant as not letting him dream = desire someone (because she'll satisfy him), or maybe the one not having dreams is herself because she'd given up on love, before meeting him? Anyway. Listening to the background bass with earplugs I noticed it intensifies in the chorus...it's hardly noticeable with speakers, but I'm glad I pay attention to details.

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Lei verrà/ She will come

io ne ho già sete/ I have already thirst for her
lei verrà / she will come
nel tempo che verrà/ in the time that's coming [when her time's due?]
E scenderà/ And she'll descend
giù per la collina / from the hill
da nuove città. / from new cities.

Stai qui con me / Stay here with me
stanotte piove /it's raining tonight
e piove su noi / raining upon us
che non c’incontriamo mai… /who never meet each other...

Lei verrà / She will come
ma d’estate / in the summer
lei verrà / she will come
perché io aspetto già / because I'm already waiting
e scenderà / and she'll descend
forse di mattina / maybe in the morning
dal fiume che va… / from the river flowing...

Per noi avrò / For us, I'll have
strane parole / awkward words
quelle che non riesco a dire mai/ those words I never manage to say
parole di cui ti vergogni / words of which you're ashamed
Ah… ci sarà il sole / Ah... there will be sun
nella stanza in fondo agli occhi tuoi / in the room, deep inside your eyes
amore che non dai più sogni / you, love, who doesn't give dreams anymore
amore che non dai… / you, love, who don't give...

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[Song translation] : "Dove vai" by Mango.

Mango was an italian composer/singer known for his style which fuses pop, rock, folk, world music and for his extensive vocal range. I considered him a composing genious and looked forward to his future songs. Unfortunately Mango passed away in 2014 after a heart attack that got to him on stage... At first I couldn't bear to hear his songs without being overwhelmed by sadness, but lately I got over it. I still feel pity about all the songs that could have been written but weren't, but as his powerfully sensitive music permeats me, it speaks to my soul. I feel like cherishing immensely: cherish loved ones and cherish what he left us. I am grateful.
This song talks about a lover who isn't allowed to go yet until some affection is shared first. Enjoy.

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Dove vai... / Where are you going...
Con la testa nel mio cuore / with the head in my heart
E il cuore in testa a me /and the heart ahead of me
Dove vai... / Where are you going
Grande amore piu leggero / Big love weighting lighter
Io sono li con te / I am there with you...

Prima delle braccia tue lo sai / Before your arms, do you know,
Prima delle braccia tue lo sai / Before your arms, do you know,
Che gran vuoto abbracciai / what emptiness I hugged.
Il cielo era al suolo oramai / The sky was on the ground already.
Ora non c'e niente che non c'e / Now there's nothing missing
Questo poco e sicuro / that much is for sure.
Fuori e' cielo e il cielo va / Outside there's sky and the sky goes on.
Grandi mani per tenerti accanto / Big hands to hold you close
Piu di tanto non ho / More than that I don't have
Non ti limitero / I won't limit you
Crescero, questa mia, vita tua / I will grow this [my] life of yours.

Dove vai... dove vai... / Where are you going
Vattene piano lasciami un segno cosi /Go quietly, leave me a mark like this
Sul petto sulla guancia tu che puoi/ On the chest on the cheek, you, who can
Considerarli regni tuoi / consider them your kingdoms.
Dove vai... dove vai... /Where are you going...
Stammi vicino prenditi quello che vuoi / Stay next to me, take whatever you want
La bocca spinge forte I baci suoi / The mouth pushes hard its kisses
E vince fortemente noi / and beats us strongly.

Noi fra tanta gente anima mia / We among that many people, my soul
Stretto stretto questo amore sia / Tight tight let this love be
Indicibile si / indescribable yes
Noi umanamente qui / We human[e]ly here
Con quelle generose ingenuita/ with this generous innocence
Che si perdono poi /that get lost afterwards
Stretto stretto resti in noi/ Tight tight let it stay in us

Dove vai... dove vai... / Where are you going
Vattene piano lasciami un segno cosi / Go quietly leave me a mark like this
Sul petto sulla guancia tu che puoi / on the chest, on the cheek, you, who can
Considerarli regni tuoi / consider them your kingdoms
Dove vai... dove vai... /Where are you going...
Niente dolore niente parole oramai / No more pain, no more words already
L'amore gioca con I tempi suoi / Love plays with its own time
E vince fortemente noi / and beats us strongly.

Ora vai / Now off you go
Con la testa nel tuo cuore / with the head in your heart
E il cuore in testa a me / and the heart ahead of me.

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My personal favourites are "La Rondine", "Giulietta", "Amore per te", "Oro", "E mi basta il mare", "Mona Lisa", "Lei verra'". Loredana Berte' , another italian artist I have a soft spot for, sang "Re" which I happened to find out much later that was written by mango. IT MAKES SENSE, the use of minor/major notes and high notes...it wasn't her style at all. Oh I wish I could hear him sing it himself...

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j-drama love

"Nigeru wa, haji da ga, yaku ni tatsu."

Just watched ep.7 and love it *__* b

Can't wait for next Tuesday!!

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1st day of class!

First day of Japanese class.

We didn't even get to introduce ourselves, as the teacher already knew most of the students from last year...(hey, what about me??)

What she asked instead, was to form groups of 4 and create a script about us being a "family" which we would then act in front of the whole class. 2-3 students were so advanced that instead of being stage-frightened, they decided to improvise. In Japanese. In fluent Japanese. O___O I am sssso fff---BEEP.

Oh, and I'm surrounded by kiddos of 18-23 >_<; I feel so old... but who cares, it's never too late to resume learning. Anyone, even workers, can take this class. Except they are all students...because who ELSE has got the time to study Japanese when you're working?

Go, go, me!!

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The universe loves a stubborn heart.

Whoah!! That's my new favourite phrase. *O* I want to be stubborn. I want to keep trying until I succeed. Those who don't succeed don't lack the skills; they lack motivation.

But being so obsessed about a goal can have its little drawbacks, as (a) it affects negatively your relationship with other people and (b) you may confuse "motivation" with "effort". That's what happened to me.

Since the first day of class was approaching, I anxiousy decided to google "how to quickly revise japanese" and stumbled upon a site that began like this:

"Hello. I suppose you ended up in this site because you probably googled 'how to quickly revise japanese' didn't you? Well, here I present you with some methods to speed up revision, but you have to be committed. Before I describe to you each method, ask yourself how much determined you are to learn Japanese. If the answer is "very determined", then don't waste a good chance. For example, you have a couple of spare minutes and you're scrolling down your facebook page? Use them to revise japanese numbers instead. You've washed your teeth and are going to bed? Make a quick revision of Japanese months before sleep. You are bored and want to watch youtube videos for fun? Why not watch an episode of a j-drama/anime to impove your listening instead? Any moment you could be doing something not-so-important, choose to revise, in any way. That's the most important thing."

I was impressed and decided to follow the advice.

A few days later, I caught myself panicking with thoughts like:

O__O I am trying. I really am.
....and I am going to mentally throw up.
My mind is rejecting knowledge, refusing to memorise, after being at work all day and using the breaks in between to revise. I don't know how much I'll last. Burnout. Overdoing it. Too much pressure. Exhaustion. That's what I've started to feel, and it's only October, classes haven't even started yet, and when they do it will last till June. No way. But I want it too much. My will alone pushes the body to keep going, but it's nauseating and I'm starting not to feel so well... DX Ok, must take a break!!! Happy thoughts, err....I wish I took the day off, walked around, went shopping... gahh relax, calm down, self. Ok, this Sunday no power in the world will manage to make me get up for work. I'll just enjoy the day to the fullest; water my little plant, hum a tune, cook something nice, do non-mental chores, make the house smell clean, have some tea... XD Can't wait to smell the freshly-ironed clothes and feel the sense of coziness again. Allllll day to myself, or with my family. Pheww, it's working, I feel better already...Nope, I'm lying. My throat is tightening.


*deep breaths*

*meditates- Ohmmm...*


Ironically, the only moment of the day I was able to relax was when I went to teach. Finally, some peace. Since it requires the maximum of my attention, distractions are left outside. Time stops in that class and I don't even remember who I am or notice how the sun is slowly setting; I'm only aware that I'm teaching. Trust me, I've temporarily fogotten whole disastrous fights with boyfriend in that room. It does miracles.

When I came out I was feeling calmer. I never expected to like teaching so much, to feel so...safe doing it. So now I understand that while it's commendable to try hard for your dreams, you don't have to kill yourself in the process. I guess even if I don't manage to revise everything, the rest will come on its own, once we start.
>_>
<_<
....
*...revises verb "start" in japanese"

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Image Change.

I grew tired of my own insecurity.

It was only when I uttered my worries through tears, bringing them out in the open, that I finally realised how deep they ran inside of me. No way, unbelievable. I couldn't be that much insecure a person. I couldn't be the girl who was breaking apart from low self-esteem in front of her boyfriend. Finally, after poking inside like an expert psychologist, past the hurt, I was able to find those core beliefs that hadn't even formed thoughts yet. There they were. They rang so true.

They caused me feelings of misery, self-pity, weakness... and suddenly I felt so uneasy. I wanted to throw up, to reject it, /this is not me/, I got sick of it.

The next day, I had an argument with J. and got stubborn. Instead of driving to meet him, I made a decision on the spot and took another turn. A change.

Trying not to think much about my feminility, my vanity -all the times spent brushing my long hair in front of the mirror after showering- I pushed open the hairdresser's door and went in for a drastic cut.

I didn't care if it turned out pixie-like, if I ended up looking like a boy, a tomboy, a lesbian or I-don't-know-what and he wouldn't approve of it. It would make me feel "me". My true self has short hair, I think. "Long" was no longer me, it felt foreign, associated with years of weakness piling up and I couldn't stand a minute more wearing it - I wanted it gone, even if I had to do it myself! (A sort of borderline hysteria had got over me, I wonder.)

The hairdresser gave me a weird look of 'why would you want to cut this beautiful hair' but nevertheless brought me the picture catalogue to chose from and did her best to guide me through it.

Difficult choice, normally I would panic. I hadn't had time to think what would suit me, but I knew what I didn't want: I did NOT want straight bangs on the forehead like a monk; NOT a bob cut that would make me look like I was wearing a helmet; NOT parted in the middle like Jesus, but to the side insead. I went for locks of uneven lenghth, volume at the top, layers around my face.

When she gave the first cut, she paused and looked at me through the mirror. 'Perhaps you would like to keep it?' she said, offering me the locks. I refused, surprising myself. I had expected some sort of sentimental attachment, but found only relief. No, I didn't want to keep it. And however it turned out, I was glad to have chosen it. I wasn't regretting it.

I kept a genuine smile thoughout the whole process and by the end, both her and I were ethusiastic with the result. Now, that was me. She said she was a little jealous, actually. Maybe because she witnessed a change. After the cut, I went to a clothes shop nearby and chose a nice, sleeveless top of intense blue, like the clear sky, which replaced my faded brick-red T-shirt. Farewell, people-pleaser. Welcome, new, hot, free girl.

It was like this that I went to meet him outside his house. I can now smile confidently. He has no idea what's coming for him. He's got to learn me again.

A week of ultra physical effort.

We may not afford vacations this year, but if I'm to stay in the city, like hell I'll feel miserable! Trying to make the most of what I have, I decided to try A BIT OF EVERYTHING. This summer is for exploring and trying out new things at least ONCE (no strings attached, no contracts signed). Achievements "unlocked" so far include:


  • Bought a sewing machine and learnt how to shorten curtains. (Not physical, but still proud!)

  • Sunday, July 3rd : Hiking with friend, covered 7 klm.

  • Monday, July 4th : Volunteered to take stray dogs for a walk. Spent 1.5 hours walking, while they pulled. Overcame my fear of being attacked by that one who jumps on me every time.

  • Tuesday, July 5th: Aside from a looong walk for coffee...I feel restless. Edit: asked a nearby karate school about their prices and schedule...Plan to join them in September!

  • Wednesday, July 6th: Tried modern dance lesson for 3 hours. I hurt everywhere....I pushed myself to the point that lifting a leg to wear my pyjama pants was nearly impossible.

Maybe tomorrow I could hit the gym (renewed my membership but still haven't stepped foot since April). Though I must take it easy...my body is complaining with every step, but it's slowly recovering. After a good night's sleep my sight has also returned to normal because, upon leaving the dance school last night, I could only look ahead (looking to the sides felt too tiring for my eyeballs hahaha... I almost threw up from exhaustion. Caused by low blood pressure, as I learned later. XD;;)

Edit: A friend just decided to join me with the group. We're hiking this Sunday again!
Edit 2 : Glad we went! We were able to snap this picture :D

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Concert list

I asked J to name any concert he's been at, but he refused. "Come on, what's so difficult about it?" I insisted. Well... actually...
.
.

List of Concerts J. Has Been to
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* Rage
* Clan of Xymox
* The mission
* Slayer
* System of a Down
* Accept
* Saxon
* Metallica
* Monster Magnet
* Blue Oyster Cult
* Uriah Heep
* Johny Winter
* Pearl Jam
* Tool
* Mastodon
* Bruce Dickinson
* Wolfsheim
* And Also the Trees
* The Cure
* Spitfire
* Rotting Christ
* Mark Knopfler (Dire Straits)
* Motorhead
* The Gathering
* Stamping Ground
* Nightstalker
* Anathema
* Iced Earth
* Septic Flech
* Paradise Lost
* Helloween
* Blind Guardian
* Virgin Steel
* Manilla Road
* Nevermore
* Death in June
* Gitane Demon
* Garden of Delight
* Ulver
* Fu Man Chu
* Screaming Trees
* Orange Goblin
* Robert Dosen
* New Model Army

.__. ok, I get it. I don't even know half of these guys... but that's a lot of ticket money.

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Found this on a blog and just had to repost it:



And now, if you will, a revised version of the Rifleman’s Creed, for us writer-types –

THE PENMONKEY’S CREED

This is my book. There are none like it, because this one is mine.

My book is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.

My book, without me, is useless. Without my book, I am useless. I must write my tale true. I must shoot straighter than my fear who is trying to kill me. I must kill my fear before my fear kills my story.

My book and I know that what counts is not what others have done, what sales we make, what tweets I have twotted. We know that it is my heart that counts.

My book is a living document, because it is my life. I will learn it as it is my kin. I will learn its weaknesses, its strengths, its characters and plots and themes. I will put my heartsblood into the book and it will put its heartsblood into me as we become part of each other.

Before the Muse that I have shackled to the radiator in my office, I swear this creed. My book and I are the representatives of who I am. We are the masters of our fear. We are the ink-stained fools who press our fingerprints into the page for all to see. We are story and story-teller, one and the same. We are the gods of this place.

So be it, until victory is mine and I have finished my shit — fuck yeah and amen.

* * *

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Today I've chosen a male singer, Luigi "Gigi" Finizio. I don't know anything about him, never heard his other songs, but I picked this one because I really like it. It ranked 3rd in 1995's national song contest in the "youth" category, as wikipedia kindly informs me.

The song is called "The Mirror of my Thoughts" and it's about loving a person from a photograph. It uses poetry as lyrics and it's very sentimental. Try listening to it while reading along.

(Sorry I couldn't translate it better... I'm kinda in the mood for karaoke now! My next pick will be something more rock-y.)



Seduta sulla riva di questa mia coscienza
Sitting in the shore of my conscience
la malinconia,
the melancoly,
far conto dei miei giorni
keeping account of my days
Comprese le esperienze di questa vita mia

including the experiences of this life of mine
Somiglia ad un gabbiano con le ali aperte lungo l'orizzonte

it looks like a seagull with its wings spread along the horizon
Abbraccia il cielo che è sopra di me

it hugs the sky that is above me
che affonda dentro lo scenario di un tramonto

which dives into the scenery of a sunset.

LyricsCollapse )